(This is Part 4 of The Coach in Your Head Series. Read Part 3 here.)
This verse can teach you something, even if you aren’t a Believer: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (II Corinthians 12:9). I’ll get back to this in a minute.
Embracing Weakness Leads to Freedom
Last time I wrote about eliminating self-preservation as our go-to defense mechanism. If you haven’t grasped that yet, read it here. The best way to become more secure is to have the coach in your head help you push past self-preservation. The above verse was written by the most famous Christian ever, the Apostle Paul. He wrote most of the New Testament, and in this case he was describing his life before and after a personal breakthrough.
The schematic goes like this:
- Before my breakthrough I led with my strengths.
- After my breakthrough I lead with my weaknesses.
In the Apostle Paul’s case he learned, some would say the hard way, that there was a strength far beyond him that took over when he acknowledged his shortcomings. That’s what I mean to be “leading with your insecurities”. When you acknowledge your weaknesses a strength outside yourself takes over–and others really appreciate that.
So here’s an example. A couple of years ago a young man I coach told me that he really wanted to have a girlfriend. He longed for female companionship, and this was missing from his life. So we tossed some strategies around, especially related to how he would act when he met a young lady he would like to pursue. And then I gave him some unsolicited advice. I said, “Lead with your insecurities. Instead of acting like you have it all together, tell her if you’re scared or if you’re unsure how to proceed. Say, ‘I’m a little nervous to even say this, but is it OK if I ask you out sometime?'” And we rehearsed a few other onramp phrases like that.
Freedom in Relationships
He ran with it, and, of course, it worked. He’s got a wonderful girlfriend who rightfully thinks the world of him, and his tail is wagging. He’s as secure as he’s ever been, in part because he’s learned to lead with his insecurities.
Nobody likes the one who acts like they have it all together. In fact, we gravitate toward people who are secure enough in their own skin to not take themselves too seriously by exposing the cracks in their lives. They seem pretty human, and we appreciate that.
Your turn. Lead with your insecurities in the next 24-hours. Sincerely say, “Yeah, I goofed that up.” “That’s just like me.” “I’m sorry, I really blew that!” “It’s on me.” Laugh at yourself. Watch and see how you relax, and watch and see how your influence with others increases.
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